we're only 458 miles from shangri-la

Thursday, July 23, 2009 by Chris

i'm frightened by how obsessed i am with juggalo culture. it really teeters on the fine line between irony and sincere intrigue. something about the "family" that's been cultivated and maintained around the band and the various degrees of acts slightly removed from them just kinda hooked me. if i had the money, it's entirely possible that i might pull the trigger on a ticket to see this thing up close. it'd be like when your parents catch you smoking and make you chain smoke your way through a whole pack. i'd be cleansed of this whole thing and be able to go about the rest of my life..

let's check out the acts. i mean, i can see why gwar's on the bill. and yeah, sure, ice cube's gonna be there. so is vanilla ice. but coolio! the fuck's he been up to for the last decade? mc chris makes the scene? really?

what else is in store for you juggalos/ettes? airbrush face painters will help you "get your clown love on extra-hard!" inflatables so you can "throw yourself into it and have a fun like you were a little kid again!" a swimmin hole "for all your heat-beatin, belly-floppin needs!" (don't worry though, the water is treated to be safe both for swimming and drinking!?) a human cannonball will shoot himself out of a cannon three times a day every day! and best of all, straight-up, beyond fresh ($20) HELICOPTER RIDES! this is starting to sound like the best weekend campaway ever!

for those with a funny bone in need of some tickling, upchuck the clown's "fresh ass" late night comedy tent is looking to be off the HOOK! pauley shore! he had a show in MTV like 15 years ago! jimmy "jj from good times" walker! the beastie boys included his name in a rap couplet! rowdy roddy piper! he's a wrestling legend!

having typed all that out, reread it, rewritten some of it, and reread it, i'm absolutely certain that if i had the hundofitty to drop on this, i'd totally be whipping out my credit card right now.

i know i'm sold, but if you need any more information, check out of this fifteen minute infomercial:

i actually just bumped this to the top of my netflix queue. really. no joke. we're all watching it when it gets here.

i just read that violent j insisted that harland williams had to be in their movie big money hustlas. i liked rocket man as much as the next guy, but this is just such a weird and arbitrary thing to me...

the ICP blackhole of intrigue becomes deeper and darker with every passing moment.

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